It started at the end of last year. I usually love, love, love teaching seniors. And I certainly love, love, love teaching Econ. But in March I begin to feel…frustrated. Tired. My seniors had checked out early. Teaching them was a slog. It was hard to get through many class periods. I loved them as human beings, but teaching them was difficult.
This summer I traveled all over. I experienced the European way of life. The slow, fun atmosphere of Tahoe. The beauty of travel in and of itself. Yes, it kept growing this past summer.
And now, at the start of this new year, its effects are profound.
I know things are changing for me. God is growing me. Allowing new dreams. Opening up new pathways.
And in this season of being stretched, I feel deep, resounding discontentment. Sometimes coupled with anxiety, fear, or self-loathing. To say it’s uncomfortable would be quite the understatement.
I find my emotions swinging wildly between joy and panic and love and discontentment. And at my most anxious moments, I reach for my phone. Not for Jesus. No, for my phone.
I scroll, I double tap, I watch 15 second videos for an hour. It makes me feel worse. It helps not at all.
When Jesus isn’t the source of my fulfillment, it shows. I feel it deeply. Worse, I’m unmotivated to change it.
What brings me back to Him? What changes my heart? What opens me to fulfillment in Christ? Gratitude. Thankfulness. Recognition of the millions of blessings within and surrounding me. God’s grace, eternal.
So. 80 Days. That’s 5 days of the week until the end of the year. I will live in gratitude. I will practice being deeply grateful for one thing every day. Big things, small things. All the things. I hope to post much of my gratitude here, on my devotional blog. Writing is therapeutic to me. It’s a creative outlet that helps me connect with my Savior. And, I hope, it helps you connect too.
I’ll start tomorrow. One thing. Be grateful. Allow myself to bask in the presence of the Lord by sitting with my gratitude. For 80 days. Join me?